The Strong Dialectic of an Obsessional Neurosis

I am proud to suffer from the “obsessional neurosis” that I call Judaism. As with other obsessional neuroses, Judaism consists of “obsessive thinking, obsessive ideas, obsessive impulses, and the like” (Freud 212). Each Jewish “obsessive action,” has a specific meaning, and why not embrace that meaning? Why not fall in love with the fact that I can store complex or difficult thoughts in the form of ritual? I am happy to utilize Judaism partly as the defense against myself that Freud argues but more as a barrier between my initial impulses and a better communication of those impulses to the outside world. As Ari Goldman says, “Being Jewish is about feeling good. It is about finding meaning” (Ochs 266).

Throughout this semester, I have increasingly found the ability to relate ritual theory to my every day life. I have started analyzing religious objects and situations and noticing religious leaders’ or texts’ uses of the ritual vocabulary that initially annoyed me in Driver. At services, in conversation with other Jews, and in my Hebrew class, I pick up on changing ritual and formulate new questions about and ideas for ritual. I realize how much my personal perception of Judaism has changed since the beginning of the school year with my relationship to Hillel and the courses that I have taken here. Most importantly, I realize how infinitely the transformation of Judaism and of myself through Judaism can and must progress. Now, I must prompt myself to ask questions, to view my perceived Judaism with different mindsets, and of course, to “record, take it down, and collect” (Ochs 260). I now have the toolbox to both argue for and create new ritual.